9: After Enlightenment
I had what everybody considers everything, a big gorgeous house decorated with all kinds of beautiful things, dinner parties, friends, dining in upscale restaurants, trips twice a year to exotic places around the world, a husband, a child, and still it wasn’t enough. I felt unfulfilled, empty and life seemed meaningless.
And so I began reading, searching and looking for answers in books and mostly in self help books. I was looking for something that would tell me why I was feeling the way I was, why I was still feeling like something major was missing in life.
I reached a point of inner suffering that was so unbearable, a kind of suffocation. I was still reading and searching. I was still afraid to speak my truth for fear of rejection, confrontation, judgement and the unknown. But at the same time I felt a kind of strength in me. It was ever so subtle at first yet so powerful, I could feel it in every cell of my being wanting to burst open. That was the day I stepped through the door marked fear and transformed my life forever.
At the age of thirty eight I stopped searching outside myself to fit in, I woke up out of the illusion of fitting in, what I later learned was a spiritual awakening, and saw that I was my own perfect fit. I was freed of all my conditioned thoughts and beliefs about how I should be. I decided to stop trying so hard to fit in. Everything I was looking for was in me. I was it. I had in me wisdom, intelligence, talents, power, abundance, love and joy. I realized I just had to tap into that instead of trying to fit into everyone else’s box. I stopped looking outside of myself.
I know one thing for sure, that Freedom is on the other side of fear and Life is about boldly trusting and following your inner guidance, your Authentic Power, your Heart. I began saying yes to what felt right to me and saying no to things that did not. I wasn’t conforming anymore! I was following my True Self.I had finally broken through the surface of life. I shifted from ordinary human awareness into Higher Consciousness.
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